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Hi Everyone,
I can’t believe it’s June already. I’m looking forward to both of my children being on their summer holidays. We head to our mobile home in the sunny south-east as soon as school finishes and I spend as much time working from there as possible. There is something about waking up by the sea every morning that is good for the soul.
The mobile home park is also the place where Dad spent the last few months of his life.
Someone said to me at the funeral that Dad had once told them that if he died there, he would die a happy man.
I think he did.
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Remembering Dad
As many of you know, we lost Dad on the 7th of August last year.
Dad was a typical farmer, a man’s man. Six foot two with hands like shovels. You could easily be intimidated by his size and stature. But he was also one of the kindest and most loving men you could ever meet.
Recently, Dad's cousin Catherine popped down from Dublin on one of her visits to us.
Dad was very fond of Catherine.
Catherine has the warmest personality, softly spoken and knows how to say the right thing at the right time. Catherine so happened to be with us the night before Dad passed and I know that her soft voice and words would have brought Dad comfort.
The Bereavement Support Line
On this recent visit to us, Catherine told me that she does work for the Irish Hospice Foundation and in particular with the Bereavement Support Line.
I never knew this and I had never heard of this support line before.
Catherine said it was an underused service and that this may be because not enough of the right people know about it. So, I said I would use this month’s newsletter to spread the word.
Catherine explained to me that the service is a telephone line that has someone monitoring it from Monday to Friday, 10am to 1pm. The person at the end of the line is not a psychologist or doctor but they are trained in bereavement support.
In other words, they are a good ear to listen to you.
Bereavement Support Line
1800 807 077
Open Monday to Friday, 10am – 1pm
A free telephone support line for anyone experiencing grief or bereavement.
Grief Does Not Always Move in a Straight Line
Dad was the first in my family to pass. At 47 years of age, I am experiencing real grief for the first time.
I do appreciate that this is a privilege that not everyone gets and that I have reached a good old age without having to feel the pain of losing a loved one.
I see that grief is such a funny old thing.
I would have assumed that as time goes on it would be easier. But for me it was the weeks right after we lost Dad that were the hardest and now, coming up to his first anniversary, I find myself looking back at photographs from this time last year, seeing him sitting out enjoying the sun in his and Mam’s mobile in the sunny south-east.
What I have found over the year is that when one of my family members is feeling sad, this may not be the moment I am feeling sad. And so do we stop expressing our sadness because we don’t want to bring the other one down at a time when they are not feeling it and you are.
When You Need an Ear to Bend
I am blessed as I have a very open and close family in Mam, my brother and my five sisters and I know I will always have an ear to bend if I need one.
But after speaking with Catherine about the Bereavement Support Line, I realised that not everyone has that ear to bend, to listen to them talk about the good times and the bad times with their loved one, to go over the actual days, hours and moments that they watched them taking their last breaths.
It’s these moments that will never leave you.
And this is where the Bereavement Support Line can help.
No one has to know you have called the line. The person on the other side doesn’t need to know your name, where you’re from or your circumstances. It’s simply an ear to listen because sometimes we just need to get those words and thoughts out of our minds and our hearts.
Sometimes we don’t want to bring another loved one down to our depths of momentary despair and feeling of overwhelm but sometimes the only way to deal with those feelings is talking.
Please Share This With Someone Who May Need It
I would love you to spread the details of this line to everyone you know as, without you realising it, your mum, brother, sister, child, friend or neighbour may be struggling but they just don’t want to bring you down and change the mood of the conversation.
What I found interesting is that the Bereavement Support Line also welcomes calls from people who have lost a pet. Those working on the support line deal with all forms of grief.
Support Leaflets From the Irish Hospice Foundation
The Irish Hospice Foundation created some excellent support leaflets which may help guide you and give you some peace. I have attached them here so you can access the one that may apply to you or pass it to someone you know who could do with it. If you click on the links below you can download them.
- Grieving the Death Of a Parent
- Grieving the Loss of Your Pet
- Bereaved By Suicide
- Grieving the Death Of A Child
- Living Through the Death Of Your Partner Or Spouse
A line I found particularly interesting from the leaflet on losing a spouse or partner is this:
“For many years, the emphasis in helping the bereaved was on recovery, as if bereavement was an illness. Over the last 20 years, the focus has shifted and today, the need to adapt to this life event is seen as one of the key factors in coping with the death of a partner or spouse.”
I find this so true.
You may never fix your grief and that’s ok. It may be a feeling that is there to stay. But if you can learn to adapt to your new way of life while sitting with that feeling, well then you are doing better than you give yourself credit for and I’m so proud of you.
All my love xx
Jacquelyn